I can’t date you, I’m dating the world…
My favorite days are when I am not scheduled to go anywhere. Today is one of those days. I have come to terms with the fact that there is always going to be a long list of must-do’s, should-do’s and want-to-do’s. Which is great, because I don’t sit still well. So, it’s not that I just want nothing to do, it is more so about me finding the commitment to be somewhere at a given time puts stress, or, delicately steals the spontaneous potential of the present moment. And that bums me out sometimes.
I’m not going to try and make it sound like a day without me scheduled anywhere is that rare… I work from home, by myself, for myself… I pretty much do whatever I want. BUT, what I want to do is improve the lives of others through preventative wellness practices and products. SO, that motivates me to hustle and get out there to touch lives. I actually have a problem with over-booking myself and thinking I’m capable of doing far more than is physically possible in a single day. The folks I work with know this to be true… #runninglate. It’s a beautiful thing though, those days when I book a ridiculously full day and everything is on point. Mmm… I might even enjoy that more than the days I don’t have to leave the house.
Anyway, what I am getting at, is the only things that I care to mess up that precious spontaneous potential of the present moment are things and people that directly share and support my goals. Dating just doesn’t seem to be fitting in right now. I have considered that it may (probably) be an imbalance within myself at the moment, but all I want to do is work, work-out, and eat. And I don’t feel bad about it.
I’m lucky to have dated some really great guys in recent months. However, I just keep ending things with them because I find myself internally conflicted and irritated that I scheduled a date with them. Scheduled time aside which means I now have to put my work down, shower, make myself look presentable, and then engage in conversation that is not directed at or supportive of my goals and growth. Call me selfish, I’ll call it focused, but it’s just where I am at right now. Believe me, I would VERY much love to find my partner to navigate this life with. Unless his interests are my better interests… and he knocks me off my feet of course… I just don’t see it working out right now.
It really comes down to me not having the capacity to take on a single intimate relationship and give that seed the water it needs to have a chance, while I am trying to love the world so hard. I so truly believe the work being done through Lichen Livin and LICHEN co. (our non-profit membership based platform! coming soon!) is really changing peoples lives for the better. To me, the time and energy spent on my work touches LOTS of lives, while dating only has the reach of across the table. I think it means something that I feel more inspired to respond to customer emails or even have some alone, self-care time than have a cocktail and learn stories of a potential suitor’s childhood.
I am not ashamed to admit it, I do get a little lonely and wish I had someone to cuddle with and share my wild thoughts and dreams with from time to time. But, I don’t want to be intimate with just anyone and I would rather be alone than with the wrong person. I’d like to think I will recognize and make time for the right guy when he decides to show up in my life… But, until then, I plan on dating the whole world. Because the greater good just turns me on…
Thanks for reading. I hope you didn’t have to leave your house today 🙂
All my love,
3 thoughts on “Confessions of a Lichen: I can’t date you, I’m dating the world…”
I can so relate! Although I’m much older than you…I hate when I have commitments. I won’t date (after 31 years of marriage that ended in 2012) because I don’t want to take the time away from me or my life right now..or my dogs…and is there anyone out there woke enough for me? Anyway..was just talking to a friend and she told me to check your website out! So I am!
Darlene, YES, thank you for your comment! “is there anyone out there woke enough for me?” speaks to my heart. There certainly is and they will show up when they are supposed to. Until then, just keep doing you. Sorry I’m just seeing your comment, so glad you found my page, and thank you for reading!:) You might enjoy my last post too, It is titled “Rule number one- zero fucks given”. Be well! – Corrie